Prayers

I'm usually a pretty positive person, or at least I try to be, and usually it's not hard. But today I have to admit that it's hard. Today sucked. Today I feel like God put me in a place that I didn't really want to be. I know He had a reason, but does that really mean I have to like it? Today at work we had a little girl cardiac arrest and die. She was Cooper's age. That's what I keep thinking and what runs through my mind. It's what brings tears to my eyes and makes it hard to concentrate on the rest of the days activities. We tried everything we could and we worked so hard to save her. For her mother, for her father, for her, for ourselves...we tried so hard. I know it's what God wanted and we shouldn't fight his plan like we've learned through special people we've met like Stacy and Spencer and little Max's parents. But it still stinks. It stinks and it never gets any easier. You never stop second guessing every move you made leading up to that point, you never get used to the sight of that little lifeless body, you never get used to the cry of a mother who has just lost her baby. You just don't. Lots of people say that they could never take care of kids, they could never do what we do. Some days we don't know how we do it either. And sometimes we don't know why we go back because really it could happen all over again tomorrow. There's nothing special about us. Our hearts are no different than yours and the fact that we can handle the sight of blood does not give us any special powers. We just feel called to take care of kids and their families. And some days, like today we put our hearts on the line to do it. And it stinks. I couldn't wait to get to the daycare today just to physically see my kids. On days like today I try not to overdue the hugs to the point that I scare them or make them wonder what in the world is wrong with me. But I honestly want to hug them until they can barely wiggle free.

So tonight I would really like to ask for you to pray for those parents who are surely struggling tonight and missing their dear little baby. And for the nurses and the doctors who fight so hard every day for those kids, who have to trust that all of this is God's plan and who have to sometimes find the courage to go back and do it again tomorrow. Please do not misunderstand, this is what we do, what we do well and what we've been called to do. Sometimes it just stinks.

Thanks for your prayers. I know that the family and the nurses will appreciate every single one.
I promise a more joyful post next time and lots of great pictures. Please go hug your kids one more time tonight - for me!