Confessions Of An Enabling Mother

It's a well known fact that babies are born with the need to suck. It's what drives them to eat and survive and what soothes them. When McKenna was three months old I decided that she did not need to suck on a binky to soothe herself any longer. I was wrong. The day after I took away her little Avent binky, she began to suck her thumb.

When Cooper was born I swore I would not have another thumb sucker on my hands. Taking a binky away would be much easier than say, cutting off a thumb. So, every time the kid opened his mouth I shoved a binky in it. He sucked and everyone was happy.

There have been plenty of times when I thought it would be a good time to get rid of the binky. Last summer when he turned one was my first plan. But then we suffered a series of unexpected and traumatic deaths in our family. And we were building a house. Honestly, I just didn't have it in me. This summer sounded like a good idea. But Cooper was really having a hard time with his ears and the pacifier seemed to help relieve his ear pain. I would take it away once he was feeling better. Yeah. I happy to say that his use (or abuse as some may see it) has lessened, there are still binks floating around our house.

Today during lunch with some of my friends at work I had to confess. I'm not sure what made me do it. Probably plain old guilt. Between bites of pizza and salad I spilled it. I'm an enabler. A few nights ago Cooper lost his last remaining intact binky. Several old ones can still be found lying around our house. But Cooper has recently taken to biting holes in them after which they become unacceptable to him and trash to me. After three hours of fussing and crying for his daddy, I managed to get Cooper to sleep. Three hours later I was awake with one unhappy little boy who did not have his binky to help him fall back to sleep. The next morning we decided that this would be the start of Operation Goodbye Binky. Yeah.

By mid afternoon Cooper was exhausted from having not slept well the night before. He desperately needed a nap...and a binky. I was ready to tough it out. I tried everything I could think of to distract him. I even took him for a walk hoping he would fall fast asleep in the stroller. Back at the house I began to get uneasy. I was tired too. I had work to get done around the house and quite frankly, I was tired of listening to the whining and crying. And then it happened. I began to search for a binky. I knew there was one in the house somewhere. I searched everywhere. Inside drawers and cupboards. In the toy box and under every cushion in our entire house. I tore apart beds and rummaged through doll houses. I searched old diaper bags and new ones in hopes of "stumbling" across a binky. All the while I was thinking that Earl would kill me if he knew what I was doing. Finally in a last ditch effort I climbed on a chair and reached to the highest shelf in our kitchen cabinet. I felt blindly around until...could it be...a brand new binky. I had struck gold!

Today I confessed to my friends that if anyone had seen me scouring my house they would have thought I was a drug addict searching for crack. They all laughed. Then they began to tell their own stories. The four binky's one keeps on hand for her son who's turning three next week. They tried giving his binks to the Easter Bunny a few months ago -- obviously it didn't work too well for them. They're going to try harder with Santa. The stories of late night

Wal-Mart runs for replacement binks that the dog has chewed. Even their own personal stories of sucking their thumb well into grade school. I could go on and on.

So, it's true. My name is Emily Mowry and I'm addicted to the binky. I'm not proud of it. I could probably try harder. But, Cooper had a nap yesterday and I got all of my work done. He sucks and everyone's happy. And I'm going to cross my fingers that his senior picture won't look like this one.

"You haven't updated lately."

It still feels really odd to me to hear people say, "You haven't updated your blog lately." I guess because I don't feel like many people actually read the blog. I never really started it for the purpose of tons of people reading it. It was and still is, for McKenna and Cooper. That being said, I secretly love when people ask me why I haven't updated the blog lately.

I've been really bad about blogging for a few weeks now. For months I dreamed of the day when I would finally be part time. I had grand plans for blogging, scrapbooking, organizing...the list goes on and on. Sadly, I feel like I'm every bit as busy now as I was when I worked full time. I will admit though, that the organizing portion is moving along nicely. And I can't ever remember being so relaxed. Until, that is, I think about work or check in on my e-mail. I can literally feel my blood pressure rising. So, I've been trying my absolute hardest to stay off the computer when I'm not working. When I'm anywhere near the Internet I'm so tempted to check in on what's going on at the Big G. So I've been purposely absent for the blog for a little while.

Tonight I promised myself I would sit down and update though - so here it is:

We've been busy! I told Earl a few days ago that we are definitely on the move more this fall than we were during the summer months. This past Saturday began the festivities. Yes, we attended the Penn State game...in the rain. Wait, let me rephrase that...in the driving, unrelenting rain. Earl and I headed to Happy Valley with my dad. We picked Pappy Landis up along the way and met Shane a short time later. The tailgating was great thanks to Shane's newly purchased canopy, Dad's fillet, some bbq spare ribs, Hartley's chips and of course whoopie pies. I can say without a doubt that the tailgating was much better than the actual game. I still can't believe we lost.

We returned home at 1:25am to find McKenna and Cooper wide awake. Having successfully put them to bed once, my mom was unsuccessful at getting them back down after they woke up coughing. Earl and I quickly changed out of our soaking wet clothes and managed to have them both back in dreamland by 1:45. I can honestly say that my bed never felt so warm and cozy. And that sweet sleep lasted until exactly 4:30am when my little buddy woke up coughing and crying again. Cooper and I spent the next three hours on the couch trying desperately to find a comfortable, upright sleeping position and watching Cartoon network. Around 7:30 Cooper was asking for Daddy, which I thought was a wonderful idea! I handed him off and went right back to bed! By 9:30 both kids were as good as new and neither has been heard coughing since. Looks like we dodged the swine flu once again!

We spent the rest of Sunday lying around, watching movies and getting some chores done. Supper consisted of leftover steak at my mom and dad's and a wonderful dessert...watching the Steeler's lose. Sorry to all you black and gold fans! We were able to get the kids to bed early but neither Earl or I could sleep after snoozing on and off during the day. I must admit that I must be getting old because the lack of sleep is finally hitting me today. I'm more than ready for bed tonight.

Tomorrow is my last day off. I'm spending the morning helping out at the book fair at McKenna's school. I'll go back in the afternoon to help the kids with "kid writing". It's my first time doing both so I'm a little nervous. I'm excited to have the opportunity though. Earl is working evening shift this week so it works out nicely that he can watch Cooper in the morning.

The kids are both doing well. We're glad they didn't end up with full blown colds or the flu. McKenna continues to do really well in school, although I'm beginning to sense that she may be getting a little bit bored with some aspects of the day. Cooper has adjusted wonderfully to being home alone with me for most of the week. His speech improves every single day. He's more mellow than he was when he was younger and he's so loving. His only downfall (which we must also take some blame for) is that darn binky. I am hopeful that the end is near for the binks since he has now chewed a small hole is the few that remain and he absolutely refuses to put those in his mouth. Bedtime was a bit dramatic tonight without daddy around or a sufficient binky, but we did it! I'm crossing my fingers! He's also taken an interest in the potty and is doing quite well so far. We'll see if he can beat McKenna on that one!

I'm excited about the next few weeks as we have so much planned. You can expect lots of posts (hopefully) as we get ready for a visit from my friend and college roommate this weekend. The following weekend I'm off to Philadelphia for work. Not so exciting, but it means I only have to basically work Monday and Wednesday that week. That leaves me free to attend my first field trip with McKenna's class to the pumpkin patch. The first week of November we are attending a concert (which must remain nameless for now because it's a HUGE surprise for McKenna). Then it's time for Penn State vs. Ohio State, our Disney trip and then the Holiday season! Whew! I probably shouldn't have actually written all of that out. It's overwhelming just looking at it! Not to mention the fact that in the next 4 weeks three of our close friends will be welcoming new babies! Oh boy!

I should probably go get some rest while I can. Enjoy a few recent pictures and look forward to many more!

Right In Front of My Face

Sometimes I think I get too caught up in the day to day. I cross things off lists, put new things on the list, stick to our routine - the one that allows us to miraculously get from point A to point Z and back again every day. We do dishes and homework, pack lunches and diaper bags, play cars and princesses and just consider it a "normal day". And then, BOOM, it hits me. McKenna and Cooper are learning and growing at lightening speed.

Tonight I was privileged to be a pupil at McKenna's "school". I was the only human pupil (which gave me a distinct advantage over the others) but it was still fun. During school we had circle time during which the teacher (a.k.a. McKenna) read us all three books. I'll admit, the first two were pretty basic. But then, for fun, I threw in a much more difficult book - to challenge her was my plan. WRONG! I had to help here with 2 words. I was so excited at one point when she sounded out a compound word, that I scared her with my cheering. By the time school was over I was beaming with pride. And then I started to wonder where in the heck she learned to do that and did I miss something along the way. I still haven't figured it out.

A few minutes later it was time to get pj's on and head to bed. I plopped Cooper on the changing table and rather absentmindedly began to undress him. That's when I thought I was perhaps really falling off the deep end and hearing voices. No, it was not just any voice, it was Cooper's voice and he was counting to 10. He did completely skip over number 8 and was already cheering by the time he got to 9 - but he did sneak 10 back in before he proceeded with another round of "yeah, Cooper". I'm sure there are other kids out there who were counting to 20 by the time they were 2 (or counting to 10 in Spanish like McKenna), but I was extremely proud of my little guy. Considering the fact that 2 1/2 months ago before he had his ear tubes placed he was only saying a few basic words, I am more than proud of his progress. And, I will admit, a little fearful that we are about to have another chatty Cathy on our hands, if you know what I'm saying.

So, on top of learning that I have a reader and a counter - I was reminded once again tonight to slow down so as not to miss the little things. It really starts to hurt when things are always slamming you in the face.

Anyone who knows McKenna knows that she does not go far without "Bear-Bear". He's been a staple in our family since McKenna was a few months old. I wanted McKenna to have a lovey when I went back to work; something that she could have at home and at Mimi's house. Something that would make her feel secure and that she could hug. I didn't have anything specific in mind. My mom found the bear for McKenna and presented it to her at her baptism. I do remember thinking that a pink bear might not have been what I had chosen. Looking back now, I can't imagine the past 5 years with anything else. The pink bear definitely fits McKenna and her personality.

She was too little to even hold the thing at first, so I dutifully carried it with us where ever we went. Soon she could wrap a chubby arm around his neck and carry him. Everywhere we went people would ask what she had named the bear. What else would a toddler say, "Bear-Bear" was his name.

Since his introduction into our family, Bear-Bear has pretty much seen it all. He has survived multiple trips to the beach during which he even had the chance to take a dip in the ocean and bury his feet in the sand. He's been to Disney World twice and met Mickey more times than some people. He's taken baths, wagon rides, picked out Christmas trees, attended countless weddings, graduations, birthday parties, and Fourth of July parades. He attended daycare and worked his way from a grasshopper to a lightening bug while perched in a cubby watching over our little one when we couldn't be around. And I'm sure he won't stop there, although he is not allowed to attend Kindergarten.

We have spent many hours (if you add it all up) looking for Bear when he's been lost somewhere in the house. He may actually appear in more pictures with McKenna than both Earl and I combined. We've spent many more hours bargaining with McKenna to leave him at home or at the very least in the car. There's not many times that we leave our house without someone saying, "Do you have Bear-Bear." Sometimes I'm not really clear who Bear comforts more as you have never sensed a greater panic than the one that sets in when you think you have officially lost the Bear on a trip to Beaver Stadium or the mall.

But above all, Bear's been a cherished friend. He has seen McKenna through happy times, scarey times, sad times, confusing times, and every single thing in between. In a topsy turvey world where some days things seem to be changing more quickly than anyone can keep up, I'm glad she has a trusted friend. He may be bright pink and a little ragged, but he's perfect in one little girl's eyes and that's all that really matters.

The Long "See You Later"

This morning as I was drying my hair I thought to myself, "This Sucks". Not drying my hair, but the mornings that I have to take the kids to the babysitter and daycare and then miraculously get myself to work, all in a timely manner. It sucks. I started to think about how I much preferred the "old days" when I dropped both kids off at daycare. I had a routine, a big bag, two lunch boxes, two nap mats, two lovey's, a bazillion extra sippy cups, and my two kiddos. I had a routine for who I got out of the carseat first, how we handled rainy days and bitter cold mornings. I knew who's lunch to put away first, how to get them set up with their breakfast in record time and how to get down the long hallway quickly on days that tears were brimming in my eyes. And most mornings as I sprinted back to my car to get to work on time, I thought to myself, "this sucks".

So, the more I thought about this morning I started to think that perhaps it's not my new routine and two drop off's that the problem. McKenna carries her own backpack now, complete with everything she needs for the entire day. I don't have to set her up with breakfast because the babysitter does that now. And she likes it there. What kid wouldn't like hanging out with a second grader and playing Mario Cart in the morning before school?

With McKenna settled at the babysitter I don't need my big bag for daycare anymore. I only need to worry about putting lunch away in one refrigerator and getting one cute little boy set up for lunch. The kicker is that from the time I drop McKenna off until the time we get to daycare I have to listen to Cooper ask where his sister is....over and over and over and over again. It almost kills me. I loved that at daycare they were together. Not that they were physically together all day, but they were together in the same building when I left every morning. For some reason that did my heart some good and eased our separation just a bit. It's hard to think that depending on when Cooper is ready for kindergarten, they may never be in the same building again.

But I think what this all comes down to when I really stop and sort it out is the "see you later's". It's hard enough to have someone else care for your kids during the day - at least for me. I have a great job (most days) where I have the opportunity to touch many people and positively affect many lives. But that still means that someone else is watching over my kids. Please make no mistake that I love the people that are looking after my kids. They have become like family - I've said that here before. The fact is, that even after 4 years the hand-off has not really become any easier. And now I find myself saying "see you later" not once, but two times every time I have to venture off to work. I have to face it two times in 20 minutes. That, is really what sucks.

The great part is that if I never left them I would never, ever have the chance to get such awesome hello hugs and kisses at the end of the day.

Remembering 9/11

Today snuck up on me. I mean, I knew it was Friday, day 5 for McKenna at school, and I had seen September 11 on the calendar. But the day snuck up on me. I will be honest, I didn't give the significance of today a single thought. I cleaned up the house, threw in some laundry, played with Cooper. Then I turned on the TV. That's when I remembered.
None of us will ever forget 9/11, that I'm sure of. I think about how throughout my life I've heard people talk about where they were when President Kennedy was killed or the day the space shuttle exploded. I think to myself that I would like to remember those things so much more than September 11th.
I wonder today what McKenna will learn in school. What will they tell her or show her. Will she understand, will she be scared? I never thought to tell her about that day 8 years ago. Maybe it was to protect her, or just to protect myself. I wonder what grade she will be in when 9/11 appears in her history book?
What is strangest to me is exactly what I DO remember about that day. Every little detail, still fresh in my mind. The patient room I was in when the news broke through; the nurses I was working with that day; wondering if we would get patients flown to us; being sad when we found out there were no patients to save; trying desperately to call Earl; the conversation I had with my mom on my way home; knowing I was headed to Shanksville that weekend for my college roommates wedding; wondering if she was okay. In all of those things there are a few moments that stand out in my mind every September 11th. The pure look of horror and bewilderment on my husbands face when I came home from work and saw him standing in front of the TV. He had worked night shift on September 10th and slept through the morning of September 11th. Sometimes I think he was lucky that he didn't watch all the coverage as it happened. The other moment I will never forget is arriving at the hotel in Shanksville for my friends wedding, walking through the lobby that was filled with State Troopers and FBI agents. That moment was so surreal.
As much I think about how my outlook on life has never been the same, it will never compare to those who lost loved ones that day. I hope that all of you will also remember them today and this great country which we are blessed to call our home.

Just For Me

The kids and I have been feeling a little under the weather for the past few days. Nothing major, like the swine flu I was sure we were initially developing, just runny noses and scratchy throats. Probably just allergies, or at least that's what we'll chalk it up to.

Everyone felt up to school and work today, although I'm the type who always has to "try it" anyway. Usually you feel better once you get up and moving right? I made it successfully through the morning but was feeling decidedly crappier this afternoon. I honestly just wanted to come home and take a nap. Who would convince my children though? McKenna is no problem but it would take an act of God to get Cooper to even sit and watch 20 minutes of television at 4pm. I did manage to get him interested in his dump truck (which is holding up fairly well considering that he rides on it and doesn't push it) and I was able to physically sit on the couch for a few minutes of Oprah. Before I knew it Cooper was crawling all over me. I might have been tempted to ask him not to do that if I had any energy left at all. Luckily I just dodged his head for a moment to get a better look at what Dr. Oz was showing on the TV. Suddenly, my sweet little boy had my cheeks pancaked between his chubby little hands, looked me straight in the eye with an enormous grin and planted a huge kiss right on my cheek! He proceeded to kiss my each of my eyes and then my cheeks again and then the spot between my eyes, each time pausing just long enough to give me that goofy grin and study my face like he wasn't sure where the next kiss should land.

Suffice to say I've been feeling much better since then.

Penn State Football Eve 2009

Friday afternoon my brother called my cell phone. "Are you coming to the pep rally for Penn State tonight. It's at Beaver Stadium." I was so tired and it was already 4:30. I hadn't even given the pep rally a thought. But, before I knew it, we were all dressed and on the road to Happy Valley. It's not really like us to be so spontaneous, but I am sure glad to have spent Friday evening cheering on the Nittany Lions.


We arrived in time to watch the Blue Band march in to the stadium. Cooper wasn't quite sure what in the world was going on. It was a bit loud for him but he managed to avoid tears.




Before they opened the gates to the stadium Cooper and Earl spent a little time relaxing on the lawn and McKenna had the opportunity to have her picture taken with a cheerleader. I'm pretty sure that was the highlight of her night.

I still think that my little cheerleader is the cutest!

Both the kids did great during the pep rally. Uncle Shane even took Cooper down to watch the players come through the tunnel. Obviously he'll never remember that, but it was still cute. It was fun to have my Pap Landis along also. I vividly remember being McKenna's age when my Pap first took Julie and I to a game. We thought we were big stuff, eating Hartley's chips and Kentucky Fried Chicken out of the back of my Pap's Subaru. Luckily our tailgating menu has expanded a bit since then! But to sit between my Pap and my kids and experience Penn State football is something I can't really put into words. McKenna cheered her little heart out and talked incessantly about "when she came to a real game". I guess her daddy and her uncle Shane better get working on those tickets or we're going to have one upset little cheerleader on our hands.

I have a feeling there will be a lot more Penn State Football in our future! Does he look like a quarterback to you?

What's In A Name

I'm not sure there is anything more fun, and possibly more frustrating in life, than choosing a name for your baby. Some people choose to wait until their baby is born before they pick a name ( ie-my parents. Sorry Kyle!) Some people, like me, have a name picked even before they're married. I remember the first time I saw the name McKenna. I was reading a magazine at my Mimi and Pappy Richard's house. And there was an article about a country singer and her daughter who's name was McKenna. I liked everything about the name from how it was spelled to how it looked printed on the page and of course how it sounded. When I finally got pregnant there was virtually no discussion - if we had a girl we would call her McKenna. We both agreed (thank goodness) that it was girly enough and not really very common. As any pediatric nurse will tell you, we don't like to have name our kids after patients who have come through our halls. Luckily as of December 2003 I had never laid eyes on another McKenna.


Fast forward to the present and kindergarten. Though we've encountered a few McKenna's over the past five years, I never gave a thought to the fact that there might be another McKenna in Ms. Jamieson's kindergarten. How wrong I was. Not only is there another McKenna, but her last initial is - you guessed it, M. After a few days of school passed I decided to ask McKenna how the teacher distinguished between McKenna Mowry and Mahkenna M. "Oh, she just calls me Mickey," McKenna announced. Mickey, like in the mouse, is McKenna's nickname from gymnastics. It was the solution to distinguish her from McKenzie. It was cute - at gymnastics. It wasn't so cute to me when my daughter was telling me that her kindergarten teacher and her new friends were calling her Mickey. I suddenly had visions of sitting at her high school graduation as they announced her name and her friends cheered, "Yeah Mickey". Ugh...still makes me shutter.

Today I finally caved. I did the unthinkable and I e-mailed the teacher. All the notes that she sends home have her school e-mail printed right on them and she did say to e-mail her any time. I promised myself that I would at least wait a week or two but this morning I couldn't help myself. Now, the problem was how to address the subject. I figured, "Hey, don't call my kid by some Mouse's name" probably would be appropriate or the right way to start our parent/teacher relationship. So, I respectfully told Ms. Jamieson that I understood her dilemma and the offered a semi-solution. Very often at home we refer to McKenna simply as Kenna. I fired off the e-mail and then held my breath. A few hours later the teacher replied and happily (at least I think happily) agreed to my request. Now even though I got my wish I feel slightly bad about it. I don't want anyone to think I'm making a big deal out of nothing or being snotty or anything else that someone might think about me. I just love my little girl's name and I don't want her to be forever known as Mickey.

And so all of this has got me thinking. Thinking about my husband and feeling a little bit bad for my mother in law. Most of you know that Earl's name is not really Earl. His first name is actually Tom. But when I met him everyone introduced me to him simply as Earl. I never even questioned it. And I never could get used to calling him anything but Earl. His family still looks at me a little funny at reunions and such when I'm calling out to "Earl". I think most of them are still looking around to see if Grandpa Earl is somewhere in the crowd. And I never really thought of how Earl's mom must feel until today.

So, I'm really interested to know everyone's opinion on the nickname thing. Did everyone try to pick names that couldn't be shortened or easily turned into a nickname. What are the unspoken rules about using nicknames in the classroom? And what were/are your unique nicknames? One more thing for the record....McKenna has had lots of nicknames over the years. Everything from Squirt to Scooter just to name a few....maybe I should have let the teacher choose one of those. Just kidding.