Late last week I decided to take an extra day off this week because I had worked extra on Saturday. Initially I was going to be off Monday, then changed my mind when I heard about the possibility of snow. You might have noticed that we did not get snow today, but instead were blessed with a gorgeous warm, sunny day. But that's not why I'm glad that I was off today. I'm glad that today I was able to spend a few last hours with our families dog, Jax. Jax went to heaven tonight after 12 years with our family.
Jax came to our family during my freshman year of college. For those of you who were close to me at the time, you might remember that my freshman year was not exactly my finest. I missed home so much and was thrilled when my parents agreed to a dog. I'll never forget going to pick out one of the pups. I, of course, wanted the only female puppy. But she was shy and not very playful and my mom didn't think she would be a good fit for a family with two young boys. So, we picked the 'runt' of the litter. A few weeks later when the pups were old enough, we went back to pick up our pup. We bought Jax from an Amish family and I remember them searching through the cage of pups for the one 'marked' for us. I'm still not sure we go the runt. And any of you who knew Jax would probably agree he was no runt.
Jax grew into a huge dog full of energy, spunk and sometimes down right misbehavior. If any of you have read the book or seen the movie, think Marlee and Me. That was our Jax. Jax has been known to eat underwear, eat entire pizzas, steal just about anything from a counter, open a can with his teeth, drag garbage all across the front yard, and tear screens from the windows. He went to obedience school - twice, and I'm not sure they did much good.
But Jax was a great dog and part of so many memories. He certainly got me through that rough first year of college and many years after that. He loved to ride in the car and go for ice cream. He liked to swim in my parents pool and in his latter years when he could no longer swim he would sit on the steps acting as our lifeguard. He loved to run and chase Tucker and see who could eat the most garbage. They used to lay together at my parents house, each with a bone for hours.
Everyone has a favorite Jax story. Earl remembers the night that Jax got into an aluminum pan and began to devour whatever was inside AND the pan. His gums were bloodied but that didn't stop him from leading Earl and my dad around the yard at midnight in six plus inches of snow. But my most memorable story has to be the day I got married. My mom and I dressed for the wedding at my parents house. It was just the two of us...and Jax. The limo was parked in the driveway ready to take us to the church. There was just one problem that we didn't consider. Getting out of the house without Jax getting out also. My mom barricaded him in a room while I snuck out the front door in my wedding gown. Once in the limo I waited for what seemed like hours for my mom. I began to get worried, but I couldn't go back in. It was only after the wedding that I learned what had happened. In her efforts to sneak out without Jax, my mom used the back laundry room door. While she was trying to get herself out and keep Jax in, she fell down the steps and into the grass---in her gown. The amazing thing is that she didn't have spot on her.
Jax was always great with the kids, too. That's no small task for a 155 pound dog. Sure, he was known to knock them over and steal food from their hands; chew binkies, bottles, and diapers. But he was never far away when they were in their bouncy seats or saucers or just out in the yard. He tolerated them jumping and laying on him and even playing in his food and water bowls.
It's true that Jax was not the most well behaved dog, and sometimes (okay lots of times) he drove us a little nutty. But like any dog, he loved us all unconditionally...and really sometimes we didn't deserve that. It's hard when our pets die and maybe that's the reason. They are such innocent beings who only really understand joy and affection --and in Jax's case food.
When I look back I can hardly remember a time when he was not there, if even just in the background. He was there for all of us through many difficult times and many joyful ones too. It will feel strange to not hear him barking or to not stash the diaper bag somewhere high where he can't steal the kids' snacks. It will be sad to open the pool knowing that we won't have our 'life guard' sitting on the steps watching over us. I guess we will have to settle for our 'Angel Puppy' as McKenna has re-named him, to watch over us from afar.
My Mom, Dad and I got to be there tonight as Jax took his final breaths. He was so peaceful and I'm sure relieved to no longer be in pain. On the short drive from the vets office to my house I heard a praise song with these words : You'll meet me someday running with the angels on streets made of gold. That is where I picture my Jax tonight, running free on streets of gold.
Jax meeting Cooper for the first time.
1 comment:
Oh, Emily, I am so sorry for your family's loss. I am sitting here crying as I read this. Pets are extraordinary, aren't they? Especially dogs, they're truly amazing creatures. You might remember that I got my first puppy EVER when I lived in Danville. I didn't really care for dogs and didn't want one at all, but Eric always had them growing up and begged me to get one. We went to a breeder North of Williamsport, near the border of New York. We too picked the "runt" of the litter, a male(ours was a pug), and named him Oliver. Oliver quickly became my best friend, I was in love the moment I picked him up. He has been right there with me through so much, kept me company as Eric worked long hours in residency, kept me company in our new house in Las Vegas as Eric worked long hours(as an attending, but still LONG hours), slept with me every night since he was allowed out of his crate(when he was finally house broken), and has been there through ALL of my surgeries, hospitalizations, and through the hardest time in my life, when I was trying to conceive and going through In Vitro fertilization 4 times. He stayed by my side as I cried myself to sleep after all 3 of my negative pregnancy tests after each IVF. And finally, he was right there to jump up and down with me as I squealed with delight when my doctor called to tell me that IVF#4 had worked and I was pregnant. He became so in tune with me, it's as if he knew that I was pregnant almost immediately. he was more clingy, but also more gentle, and as I got bigger, he stopped climbing all over my lap and belly, so he definitely knew. When Eric brought Gehrig home from the NICU for the very 1st time, he introduced him to Oliver, and after Ollie smelled G's feet in his infant carrier, he just laid down and slept next to G while he slept in his car seat! I really wish I could have been here to see their first meeting, but I was in the ICU fighting for my life in septic shock. When I did come home a month later, Oliver again was my shadow, and never left my side, even though I had an open wound, a drain in my belly and a PICC line and TPN, he would just cuddle up next to me in my bed, and just lay there when I'd hold and feed Gehrig.
So as someone that never liked or wanted a dog, I am now head over heels in love with my dog! He is 6 years old now. I went to see Marley And Me on Christmas day, and I was bawling halfway through the movie, all the way until the end, the only saving grace is that I wasn't the only one, the whole theater was in tears!! I can't even imagine living a single day without my "shadow" that is always by my side. They give so much joy and love while they are here on earth that it makes up for the unbelievable pain that they leave us in when they go(at least that's what I am told, I am still not sure I believe that one, sometimes I wonder why people torture themselves by loving something so much that isn't going to be around very long), but then I just sit back and think of all the times my dog has made me laugh, smile, feel better, or just made me be so content to just "BE", without worries or stress, and I then realize that for every single day in the past 6 years and 3 months, I have smiled at least once, AT LEAST-and probably more like 5-10 times every day, and that is priceless. How many other things or people can you say that about? That make you smile EVERY day that they have been with you? not many, maybe just your children, not friends, spouses, family, etc. Your children and your dog, that's ir. So I am so grateful to Eric for showing me the sheer joy that having an incredible animal brings. I don't know how I ever lived before I had Oliver.
I hope your Angel-puppy is running free on streets of gold too, with a big bone and a whole pizza! And know that when you and the kids swim this summer, he is there guarding you just like he always did, you just won't be able to see him, but you'll feel him.
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