Full Circle

If you could see the date and time on this picture it would say, 11/1/05 at 7:15am. McKenna's first day of daycare. Prior to this day, McKenna had spent her days with Mimi. By now, Earl was entering into his fourth month of anesthesia school and I was essentially a single, working mom during the week. I agonized for what seemed like months (and probably seemed like years to my mom) over the decision to put McKenna in daycare. After our friends had enrolled their son I decided that I should check it out. I remember 11/1/05 distinctly because of the fact that I had actually taken off of work that day. I wanted to be able to take my time getting McKenna off to "school" for the first time. I rationalized that it would be better for her if I didn't have to literally drop her off and then rush out the door. Really, it was more for me than anything. I probably should have considered that I would have the rest of the day to worry and cry and wonder if my baby was missing me before I decided not to go into work. Instead, I went shopping, because let's face it - a little retail therapy goes a long way.

On Friday, I dropped my "baby" off at daycare for the very last time. I had tried not to think about what it would be like. I kept busy last week with work and work and the kids. Friday morning I HAD to be at work before 7am which meant there wasn't much time in the morning to lament about the last day of daycare. We also had donuts to pick up for McKenna to celebrate her last day with her friends. I ushered the kids in the doors just like I have on hundreds of other mornings with my usual, 'let's hurry up and get them settled attitude.' But as I rounded the corner to the classrooms it hit me like a thousand pounds. I could feel my chest tightening a little, coupled with some sort of feeling of dread as I looked down the hall to McKenna's room. I recovered quickly and got the kids set up with their breakfast. I kissed Cooper goodbye as he dove into his cereal and leaned down to kiss McKenna on her forehead- just like I've done hundreds of other times. In my mind I was envisioning the mornings where she was not so happy to be there and they had to peel her off of me so I could leave; those same mornings when I cursed them for the long hallway that separated the classrooms from the parking lot. If I was going to cry I at least wanted to be able to exit the building first. I pictured her as a toddler, curled up in Ms. Celia's arms in the mornings where they would rock until more kids arrived. I knew she was safe and loved there and that made me feel good. This morning, in some ways felt no different than any other and at the same time could not have been more awkward. I knelt down beside my almost kindergartner and said, "Have fun today-I'll miss you." She said okay in the same way she did every morning - to her things probably didn't seem much different. I wish I could have felt like that. I turned and headed out of the building, still cursing the long hallway and hoping I would not pass any other parents as I sprinted to the safety of my car.

By the end of the day I thought that I was home free. I had made it through the morning and now all I had to do was pick them up and head home. WRONG! I stopped at Cooper's room first. His lunch box and blanky were not in his cubbie which was now labeled with another child's name. I knew that Cooper would soon be moving up to the next class, but I had no idea that it would be on his first solo day at daycare. I was starting to crumble a bit. I gathered Cooper's things and the list of necessities for his new classroom. Which, I might add, does not include two extra sippy cups every day!! Yeah, for that! We headed down the hall to McKenna's room where she sat eating snack with her friends. Since they have been able to talk, the kids have always announced my arrival. "McKenna, your mom is here," they said in unison. I wondered if I would ever here that chorus again.

Cooper helped me to clear out McKenna's cubby one last time which kind of reminded me of cleaning out my locker my senior year. McKenna's teacher hugged my "baby" and soon we were heading out the door. "Mom, is tomorrow school," McKenna asked. "No, McKenna, school doesn't start until Thursday," I said. "I know, but who is going to watch me until school starts?" "Mimi," I replied. And then it struck me just how full circle things come and just how right things are.

McKenna's last day of daycare. 8/21/09