One Foot In Front of the Other

I will never forget the minutes after Kinley's birth for many reasons. Most of them are wonderful reasons, but there will always be the memory of the difficult moments when I found out about her foot.

I will never forget hearing Earl tell me that "something was wrong with her foot." At first I was sure that I didn't hear him right. I'm sure I asked him to repeat himself at least one time. And then it started to sink in. It's strange when you can't feel your body from the chest down but you can still feel your stomach drop in fear. Every bad scenario played out in my mind in a matter of seconds. Did she have all of her toes, did she even have all of her foot, why wasn't something picked up on the ultrasounds, would she be able to walk...the list goes on and on. At that time, with Kinley literally only minutes old, no one could tell me what was wrong with her. I heard the term "club foot" quietly spoken a few feet away but there was some uncertainty in everyone's voice. As a pediatric nurse all I could think of was "let me see her foot. I know what a club foot looks like." I couldn't take my eyes off of the area where the nurses were working to clean her up and weigh her. I had to get a glimpse of that foot.

When they put her on the scale she was finally close enough for me to see her little feet. I could tell right away that she at least had a foot and from where I was on the OR table I didn't think that it looked like a club foot. But it was apparent that something was not quite right.

Of course all any parent wants when their baby is born is to hear that she is healthy. Kinley appeared healthy and we had no reason to believe that anything else was wrong with her. But with our medical backgrounds it was difficult not to let our imaginations get away from us.

Of course I was thankful that there wasn't anything more serious wrong but the tears soon came and I wasn't even out of surgery yet. Soon I felt two hands on either side of my face. And when I looked up our sweet OB nurse was standing over me. With her mask on I could only see her eyes as she looked straight into mine and said, "Don't you worry about a thing. Your baby is beautiful." I can honestly say that those were the sweetest words I heard that day. And they made all the difference in the world to me.

This past Tuesday we finally had our appointment with the pediatric orthopedic surgeon. We found out that Kinley has calcaneovagus foot. Essentially instead of having her feet crossed at the ankle while she was in my belly, she was sitting "indian style" or criss cross apple sauce as the kids call it. That meant that her left foot was pressed up against the inside of her right thigh, pressing her foot back against her leg. This caused the tendons that run from her leg to the top of her foot to be tight. The doctor referred to it as "a positioning problem because no parent should ever be told that their baby is deformed." Again, words that made all the difference in the world to a mom. The good news is that in time and with us exercising her foot 15-20 times a day, her foot should be just fine.

Tomorrow we will be taking Kinley to the hospital to have some tests done to rule out kidney reflux. It is important to evaluate her because of the fact that McKenna had kidney reflux as a toddler. We pray that tomorrow's tests will turn out as well as the orthopedic appointment. But no matter what we will just continue to put one foot in front of the other.