Sneaking Up

The pages of the calendar seem to be turning at record speed lately, leaving me feeling like there a lots of things sneaking up on me.   The first day of school is coming fast and furious.   The kids are starting to show signs that they are ready.   There has been a bit more fighting than we are used to which surely must mean our time together should be coming to a close.   I have mixed feelings about the new school year starting.    I welcome the chance at a "fresh start".   We've cleared out drawers and closets and replaced them with new clothes, backed the new backpacks with fresh school supplies and printed out the school calendar.  McKenna and Cooper are excited but I can't help but feeling a bit sad.   We have had SO MUCH FUN this summer.    I have loved having all my babies here with me each day.   It has been wonderful to watch them play together and love on one another and I'm going to miss our laid back days. 
The start of school also signals another event that I've been mentally and emotionally avoiding.  Kinley's first birthday.    I shouldn't say I've been "avoiding it".   The party invitations have been sent, the birthday outfit ordered and many of the small party details in the works.   But really, I've been avoiding it.   Sometimes I see Kinley as she learns to stand on her own or listen as she says yet another new word and I think about the fact that her "infant days" are dwindling.  And I am sad.  So I quickly push those thoughts from my mind and move on to something else which is easy to do when surrounded with three kids.    I know eventually I will have to face it.    I probably should do it sooner rather than later because I really want to enjoy her party and her special day.  But I just don't think I'm ready yet.   A few days ago, as I cleaned out clothes in her closet I thought about the fact that I won't ever have a baby in the house again.  That makes me super sad.   I know it shouldn't.  But it does.   As much as I love to watch my kids grow and as hard as some days can be I would honestly keep them little forever if I could. 
My prayer for this school year is that it does not fly by the way that this last year did.   I'm not optimistic about that but I'm going to hang on every second that I can, squeezing every ounce of life out of it.