The Binky Blues

This is one of the very last pictures I have of my "baby" with her binky.  I have had a love/hate relationship with the binky for awhile now.   My child rearing experiences leading up to Kinley taught me that the sooner the bink took a hike the better.    I had made up my mind that I would take it when she turned one.  But that day, and year, came and went and here we are closing in on her third birthday in a matter of months.  Still with the binky.   

When Earl announced last week that he would be working string of night shifts, I knew this was it.  I weaned Cooper from his binky when Earl worked nights and decided that's how I would handle it with Kinley.  For some reason I feel the need to be alone for this particular parenting venture.  

Yesterday McKenna and I went to the store and picked out some prizes for the "Binky Fairy" to leave in exchange for the bink.   We gave her one today when it was time to lay down for her nap.   They haven't gone over well and really I can't blame her.  In her mind I'm

Sure nothing can replace the one security object she's had since birth.  

My mama heart breaks when she cries for it.  I feel so guilty for perpetuating the habit in the first place.   I think about how hard it is for me to break a habit at the age of 36 and I wonder how her brain can possibly process what is going on. But the logical part of me knows that she will not be scarred for life and she won't even remember these first couple tough nights.  She's getting to be such a big girl and it's time we all (read "her mommy") starts treating her like one.    I will be relieved to see her pretty face without a bink stuck in her mouth.  But I will also be so sad to see one more piece of my "baby" slip away.  Having babies in this house has been the hardest and most amazing part of my whole life.  But it's time to take another step toward a different phase and it seems so strange. We've recently booked our next trip

to Disney for the fall.  Just today it occurred to me that this will be our first trip without diapers or binks!  I don't know whether to jump for joy or cry my eyes out.   It's so surreal to me. 

Kinley has finally fallen asleep in my arms in the  time I've taken to write this.   Without her bink.  I'm sure I will hear from her throughout the night as she wakes and realizes all over again that her trusted friend is no more.  I'm prepared for a long night in the rocking chair but she is so worth it and I'm going to savor every minute with her in my arms because someday, this too, will be a thing of the past.