Dear Kinley

Dear Kinley,

As I write this you are asleep in your bed.  It's noon but you and I are both having a time out.  We've had s rough morning; a battle of the wills in the form of dance class that started before Christmas.  This morning you wanted so badly to go to ballet.  After a bunch of rearranging and scurrying to get ready at the last minute, while finding someone take the kids school, all you talked about was dance.  "I'm not gonna cry," you said.  "Ms Lauren is so fun," you exclaimed.  And on and on.  Even until the minute it was time to go out and "shake your sillies out" you were all in.   Then suddenly you weren't and the tears and sad face started.  This is not the first time for this but I was hoping the worst was behind us.  For months you danced your heart out and you still do at home with Mckenna.  But for some reason when that music comes on at the studio you clam up.  In the past we have waited it out and cajoled you to participate.  There may even have been a bribe at one time.   Today I had had enough and so I scooped you up and brought you home.  Yet still you cried that you wanted to dance.   There were tears on your end and mine, because even though you're my third kiddo, you make me feel like a complete rookie some days.  I have absolutely no idea what this is that you're going through or how to handle it.  At three you're kind of hard to read and you change your mind.  A lot.  One thing was clear to both of us once we got home.  We needed some space. You were probably tired of me raising my voice and I was quite tired of your antics by then too.  I sent you to your room and you went willingly.  But not before turning to me on the steps with your red, swollen eyes and that sad look that I can't forget.  I wish I knew how to parent you.  I wish that what worked for your siblings worked for you too.  It doesn't seem that it's going to be that way.  So you're going to have to forgive me as I try to figure you out.  Learn to push you without breaking you.  Learn when to go head to head with you and when it's just not worth it.   I feel like there is a lesson in this whole dance stand off. Maybe it's your lesson and maybe it's mine.  I haven't figure that out yet.  What I do know is that I love you so much. Always.  No matter how many times we go around and around, I will always love you. 

Love, Mommy