Decisions, Decisions

The decision to have another baby was an easy one. From the time Cooper was a year old we knew that we wanted to add to our family. Unfortunately, it took us a little (okay, a lot) longer than planned. But it was still an easy decision.

What we didn't fully anticipate were all the decisions that would need to be made after we learned we would be having another baby. For one, I would not be able to travel to China with the group from work. Next, we quickly abandoned our plans for an addition to our house in favor of finishing our basement. We had to consider if three car seats would fit in the backseat of the Trailblazer. Would we buy a new bedroom suite for Cooper or for the baby? Those have all been pretty easy decisions. Some are still under negotiation but they are easily worked out.

What was not an easy decision was whether or not I would continue to work. A year and a half ago I cut back to part time which has been nice. But the days that I do work are still full of stress and hassle. The day begins way earlier than any first grader should have to get up. I then have to drop McKenna off at the babysitter down the street. After that I make a dash to daycare where I drop Cooper off and then head to work. On a good day I'm 15 minutes late.
On days I'm not at work I still feel obligated to check in on any urgent e-mails, worry about what will be waiting for me when I get back and often times field phone calls from my co-workers.

Don't get me wrong...I enjoy my job. All jobs have drawbacks but this position has allowed me tremendous flexibility, learning opportunities and career growth. I love the nurses who I work with and love helping and watching them grow personally and professionally. I couldn't ask for a better boss and management team.

Most days working moms feel like they are barely holding their heads above the water. I'm no different. It's difficult when you feel torn between your responsibilities at work and those you have at home. How many of us have given our sick kids a dose of tylenol at 6am just hoping we could get in a few hours at work before the daycare called. That's not the kind of mom I want to be - but it's the kind of situation I've been forced into more times than I care to admit.

So, for these reasons and so many more I turned in my resignation on Wednesday. It was one of the hardest and one of the easiest letters I've ever had to write. It's hard to let go of all that I feel like I've worked for. But it's so easy to embrace the chapter in my life that I'm about to embark on.

Of course I wonder if I've made the right decision. I'm sure that it will take awhile for me to figure that out. But for now I'm counting my blessings - grateful to be able to have the opportunity to spend more time with my kids and have less responsibilities outside of our home. I'm also grateful for the opportunity to return to floor nursing a few days a month. I can't wait to care for patients on a regular basis again. I've missed that in my life.

And so, May 1st will begin a new routine for the Mowry's. We are looking forward to having the summer to get ready for the new baby, go camping with our cousins and hang out at Mimi and Pappy's pool. Yep, so far this is definitely the right decision.