Trusting

I woke to her coughing at 4a.m. and my heart began to race almost instantly.  She can't get sick.  She can't be sick.  She has her dental procedure scheduled for just over 24 hours from now.   I repeatedly told the anesthesiologist that, no, she was not sick.  So she can't be getting sick now.  Not this girl with the "touchy airway", who gets croup at the drop of a hat.   Anytime but now. 

I get her a small drink of water and settle her back to bed.  She snuggles in and is asleep in no time.  I wish I could say the same for me.  I am wide awake with worry.  And though I turn to prayer the other part of my multi-tasking female brain is churning.  Kinley needs this work done and we chose to have it done under anesthesia.  Our kids have had various procedures in the past requiring anesthesia and we haven't really blinked an eye.   Not out of ignorance but because we are fairly familiar and comfortable with the routine.  But the closer we get and the more everyone wants to know about her reactive airway, the more nervous I become.  Maybe I should be paying attention to all these discussions in the form of, "perhaps I shouldn't let this occur."    I pray and try to keep my anxiety in check even though my training has taught me to think in worst case scenarios and my gene pool doesn't do a whole lot to counter that.  This trusting business is hard work but I am trying with all my might.   

For her part, Kinley will be blissfully unaware of pretty much everything that will happen.  She's excited to wear the new pajamas I bought just for the occasion.  I know I should follow her lead and my faith that things will go just fine.